Inside my head

How Can You Mend A Broken Heart- Al Green

2011-01-04T01:51:00.000-06:00

More great news

2010-12-31T22:55:00.000-06:00

Went to the doctor again last month and she ordered a Dexa scan, which is the same as a bone density scan they give you to see if you have osteoporosis. My results were no where close to what we were expecting. Apparently I have the spine of a 91 year old and the hips of a 75 year old. No one can tell me why I have this at such a young age or what could have caused it. I am scheduled to see a new orthopedist on January 13th if UAB hospital will get off their ass and send my medical records to Vanderbilt. Maybe a new doctor will have some new ideas. I sure hope so because I have run out of them.

Warning: For awhile this blog will probably be for me to piss and moan about what is wrong with me and how it's not fair. I can't blame anyone for not wanting to read that since they have their own problems to deal with. But I have to have a way to get it out or I will bust.

Why I am me

2010-11-26T23:38:00.001-06:00

Most people don't understand why I am the way I am. I hope these x-rays give them a better idea of what I have to deal with every single day.

My right tibia (shin)

My right knee:

My hip and pelvis

My spine

A couple of days before I got to come home:

At home about one week:

This is my leg at about 8 weeks after the wreck, just to give you a SLIGHT idea of how bad it was.

So when I have a bad day and tell everyone to kiss my ass, there is a very good chance that the pain is talking.

Just one day

2010-10-07T18:55:00.000-05:00

What do you do when you just can't take it anymore? When the pain and sadness goes on day after day. In a few days I will be 45. The average life span of a female is 70 if they lived right. I figure you can probably cut about 10 years off for the way I've lived. That still leaves me with living like this for another 15 years. I don't think I can do it. I know I can't do it. I'm not that strong. I honestly pray every night to not wake up the next day and He never listens. I am to the point that I am considering helping it along. It's humiliating to have to have your kids clean for you. I can't even carry empty ecig boxes to the trash myself. I have to have someone help me to bathe, fix my food, well right now I don't have to have that. I Haven't kept solid food down for a month now. I just want the pain, all the pain to end. I need it to end. I just can't handle it anymore. I swear if it wasn't for the fact that my kids, I say kids, they are all grown, hadn't experienced so much death already, I would take the coward''s way out. I am looking at all the bottles I have right now. They are all lined up, calling my name, letting me know that they can end the pain when no one else can. I know medicines well enough to know what combo to take to stop this miserable life I live. It will never get better. I just want it to stop hurting. One day without any pain, just one day. I didn't think that would be too much to ask for but apparently He does because it never happens. I can't go on like this much longer. It is cruel to make me do it. People in prison are guarded against cruel and inhumane punishment, why can't I get a break? The bottles are calling me.

Why am I here 5/15/2010

2010-05-30T20:15:00.001-05:00

How many times have you asked yourself that question? Why am I here? Why am I alive? Why didn't that car hit me when I was little and ran out into the street to get my ball? Why did my brakes work when I slammed on them to stop from hitting that stalled car in the road?

Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? What is the meaning of my life? What mark am I supposed to be leaving? Who am I supposed to save? What am I supposed to save?

Why am I here?

You didnt see me

2010-05-30T20:15:00.000-05:00

You didn't see me 04/21/2010

2010-05-30T20:13:00.000-05:00

This was written for my husband and myself after our accident on August 27, 2004. A recent thread on dripping while you drive made me think of this, especially since the weather is warming up and more bikers are out on the road. Please, just take an extra second, and one more look before you do something in your car. It just might be my life you save.

I saw you; hug your purse closer in the grocery store line
But you didn’t see me, put an extra $10.00 in the collection plate on Sunday.

I saw you; pull your child closer when we passed each other in the sidewalk
But you didn’t see me, Playing Santa at the local mall

I saw you; change your mind about going into the restaurant
But you didn’t see me, attending meetings to raise money for the
hurricane relief.

I saw you, roll up your window and shake your head as I rode by
But you didn’t see me, driving behind you when you flicked your cigarette
butt out of the car window.

I saw you, frown at me when I smiled at your children
But you didn’t’ see me, when I took time off work to take toys to the
homeless.

I saw you, stare at my long hair
But you didn’t see me, and my friends cut 10” off for Locks of Love.

I saw you; roll your eyes at our leather and gloves
But you didn’t see me, and my brothers donate our old ones to those that
had none.

I saw you; look in fright at my tattoos
But you didn’t see me, cry when my children were born and had their names written over and in my heart.

I saw you, change lanes when rushing off to go somewhere
But you didn’t see me, going home to be with my family.

I saw you, complain about how loud and noisy our bikes can be
But you didn’t see me, when you were changing your CD and drifted into my lane.

I saw you, yelling at your kids in the car
But you didn’t’ see me, pat my child’s hand knowing he was safe behind me

I saw you, reading a newspaper or a map as you drove down the road
But you didn’t see me, squeeze my wife’s leg when she told me to take the next turn.

I saw you, race down the road in the rain
But you didn’t see, getting soaked to the skin so my son could have the car for a date.

I saw you; run the yellow light just to save a few minutes of time
But you didn’t see me, as I was trying to turn right.

I saw you, cut me off because you needed to be in the lane I was in
But you didn’t see me, leave the road.

I saw you, waiting impatiently for my friends to go pass
But you didn’t’ see me, I wasn’t there.

I saw you go home to your family
But you didn’t see me the day you cut me off

I was just a biker…….with friends and family
But you didn’t see me.
Anonymous

YouTube - You didnt see me

One Year smoke free 4/11/2010

2010-05-30T20:12:00.000-05:00

It just dawned on me that yesterday was my one year anniversary of vaping.

When I started vaping my health was in really bad shape. I mean to the point of having a heart attack or a stroke at any given time. One week before I started vaping my BP was 230/110 and my resting heart rate was 130-150. Yes, I was on medication for it, a lot of medication for it and none of it was helping me at all. I had been smoking 2 packs a day, some days more than that, just depended on how much pain I was in. I was trying to cut back and had gotten down to around a pack and a half. A really close friend of mine had been talking to me about ecigs but I wasn't listening, well, not that much anyway. The day my BP hit its all time high I decided it might be time to check into the ecig thing a little more.

Steph gave me some links, most of them to video reviews on here. I did a lot of reading and I mean a lot. I read for two weeks before I decided on a 901. When it finally got here and I got my Johnson Creek sampler in I was in heaven. I immediately went down to just 5 cigarettes a day! That was amazing for me. In the past I had quit for each of my pregnancies but as soon as the baby was born and we got home from the hospital I was out the door and smoking. My youngest just turned 21. For 21 years I was never able to quit again. I tried the patch, the gum and welbuterin. Never tried Chantix, thank God.

After about a month of vaping I was down to just three cigs a day, breakfast, dinner and before bed. Those last three were the hardest ones to quit. It took about another month. I won't lie, there were times that I would have a cig now and then but they were few and far between.

My health has gotten much better. I have been taken off some of my BP meds. I was able to get a surgery that I needed because my heart was stabilizing. A lung condition I developed because of my accident is still there, but even that has gotten better. My doctors all love the fact that I quit smoking and took up vaping. I have to take a stack of business cards to them whenever I go.

It takes time to find the right vape for yourself. A lot of people are lucky and hit it the first time, others have to try again and sometimes have to try a third time. Don't give up if it isn't working right off the bat. It's your life you are fighting for so keep fighting. Find what works and don't give up until you do. You're worth it!

My PVs 3/25/2010

2010-05-30T20:06:00.000-05:00

DSE901~ Great starter PV. This is my first PV. I bought an automatic and soon regretted it. After finally figuring out that I was flooding my batteries and killing them myself, I switched to the manual batteries and fell in love with my 901 all over. It is still a tough unit though. The attys do not last near as long as the 510. I did learn quickly that the less I cleaned the attys the longer they lasted. IMO the 901 is great for the fruit, candy or weaker flavored liquids.

Nerf Passthrough ~ This was sent to me as a gift in my first few weeks as a 901 user. I was still going through batteries like crazy and my bank account at the time was really strapped. Someone, still don't know who but I have my ideas, sent this to me to help out. It was well appreciated and well used! I was soon able to buy one for my husband and my son and we were all happily vaping away! If you sit around a computer a lot or are in your car traveling, a good passthrough is a must have. I was able to experience success dripping with the PT for the first time since it was sealed. Have I mentioned that dripping is awesome?! I am happy to say that the PT still works and has been sent to a new home so someone else that needs a helping hand can enjoy it.

Joye 510~ I bought my first 510 in black and with the manual batteries. At first I really didn't like it and kept going back to my 901. After about a week though I realized what a great little PV the 510 is except for the lousy battery life. I was still in the PV pacifier stage when I bought it and the battereis just didn't last long enough...enter the PCC and all is right. The 510 does seem to wash out the fruit flavors but is great with the coffee, tobacco and stronger flavors. I prefer to drip with the 510 also. I seem to get a more satisfying hit with dripping than I ever did with the carts. I now have it in several different colors, silver, copper, black and red. The attys last a long time with minimal care. I've had my 510 since July and have only had four attys actually die without help from me and my idiot ways,lol I just did a mass cleaning and got all of my attys back except those four.

Homemade Nicostick ~ After examining the Nerf PT and reading the How To thread on how to make the NicoStick my son jumped in and learned how to make them. I had plenty of dead 901 batteries to cannibalize for connectors so it was pretty cheap. He sealed them so we were able to continue with dripping.

Magnum ~ I was lucky enough to get 3 Magnum flashlight mods from Shreck. They were all for the 901 and I loved it! I still have my hot pink one that he made for me and still use it. My son broke one at work and the other is safely in a drawer as a back up unit. They have a lot of sentimental value since they were my first commercial mods so I will keep them around

PVMA by warped~ This is a great unit. It is a box mod with RCA plugs so I can use any atty with it. I like it better with the 510 but the 901 is great too. I keep meaning to make a plug in for the 401 and forget too. I really like this mod. It fits my small hands really well.

The Chuck ~ After the bank account and money flow problems were taken care of I decided that I just had to have a Chuck. My son still wasn't sure if he was going to keep vaping so I ordered one for my husband and myself. When we got them my son gave mine a try and I thought I was going to have to beat him to get it back,lol The Chuck is awesome. I have nothing but praise for it. I use it at 3.7v with an 18650 protected battery. It is fitted to be a 510 and I have the adapter to use cartos on it when I'm in the mood. I take my Chuck everywhere. I can't imagine being without it. The vapor production is the best that I've had with all my PVs. I can go 2-4 days per battery depending on which battery I'm using. My son and I have a running contest to see who can get the red 2600mAh battery instead of the gray 2400mAh ones,lol Cartos are just amazing on it. The flavor just seems to pour out of it. I usually use it as a 510 and drip with it unless I'm going out, then I put the adapter on it and use the cartos.

M401/3 ~ This is a strange little PV. I have the 401 with manual batteries and also have a few 403 auto batteries because the smaller 403 batteries make stealth vaping, when necessary, a lot easier. The 401 has a very small cartridge. It holds less than .5ml of liquid but it wicks so well you get ALL of the liquid and refills aren't needed as often. When home I use a contact lens case to dip. One dip will give me about 30 minutes of chain vaping.I've had my 401 for several months and I've only lost one atty so far.

The 905 ~ I have mixed feelings on this PV. I love the way it looks and feels in my hand. It fits well. But as we all know there is a major flaw with the first and second versions of it. I was unlucky enough to get a V1 and it will occasionally go wonky and stick on. If anyone has one of these I strongly suggest that you take it apart any time you are going to be leaving it alone. Do not leave it fully assembled without watching it. I had bought another whole body before I realized that it had the flaws in it so I have an extra one that I'm going to sell to someone else. Yes, she knows it is a V1 and what the problem is.

Joye Stick V3 ~ I love this little guy! The 302 atty and cart are great. The cart holds 1ml of liquid and it wicks well and usually lasts me all day ( I swap out between 3-4 different PVs throughout the day). I was initially concerned that it came with unprotected batteries and I ordered protected ones to use until someone told me there is a circuit built in that prevents it from over/undercharging. It is charged via USB so I dont even have to take the battery out. I really love the fruity flavors in this one. It just seems to enhance them in a way the other PVs don't. I've had one atty go bad on me since I got it and that was around three months ago.

KR808D-1 ~ Ok, I kind of cheat on this one. I love the cartos that I buy from V4L but I don't use them on real KR808D-1 batteries. I have so many spare 901 and 510 batteries that I could not justify buying more batteries. I bought some adapters from Heaven Gifts and Vapor Country and use the cartos on whichever unit I decide to use that day. I started out just getting a couple of sampler packs from V4L because I wasn't really sure I was going to like the all-in-one design of them. I should have never doubted it. I dont leave the house very often because it's a real hassle to with my disabilities. Having the cartos just makes it a little bit easier. I was able to really lessen the load of ecig stuff I was hauling around when I did leave the house. I really like being able to just toss a couple of cartos in my purse and I'm set. I've bought a couple of packs of cartos from Heaven Gifts and they were pretty good. I have bought a ton of cartos from V4L and they are awesome! I keep cards in my purse to hand out and to give to my doctors when they ask.

UPDATE:

I now have an automatic shorty kit from Vapor4Life and I have to say I really like it. They are small and light weight so it is easy to use when I'm on the computer or playing a game. I think I see myself ordering the XL batts before long. I've got the PT ordered and it should be here either tomorrow or Friday and I will update when I get it and try it out.

UPDATE 2:

I have a couple of manual 808 batteries and some XL ones. They are all great! Each has its own purpose and strengths. Don't be afraid of variety.

What I've learned since I started 2/26/2010

2010-05-30T20:02:00.000-05:00

1. One type of PV is never enough. I have yet to find any one PV that will suit my every whim. I love my 901 for fruity or candy flavors. I love my 510 for coffee, tobacco or strong flavors. I love my Chuck but I dont like fooling with it while I'm out and about. Being out of the house is enough trouble and my Chuck is too big for me to carry right now. I love my 401 for going out. It is the easiest PV for stealth vaping. Combine a 401 with a 403 auto battery and you have a cute little ecig that is easy to palm.

2. Order liquid, then order some more. You never know when a Holiday or an emergency will come up and you either don't have the money or it will take to long to ship. Stop waiting until you have 3ml left before you decide to order from somewhere across the country. You don't have to pay a fortune for liquid either. Most times the $10 bottle is the same thing that has been bought by a supplier and the label changed and the price raised $5. Not saying they all do that, but several do.

4. Same goes for attys and batteries. Stock up. Even if you can only buy one a week, that's better than waking up to a dead atty and no way to vape.

5. You do not have to stick with one supplier. Liquid from Supplier A will work in the PV you bought from Supplier B and the carts from Supplier C fit better.

6. Try any new PV or mod for a week before you decide if you like it or not. I can't remember who told me that but it was sound advice. I hated my 510 when I first got it but by the end of the week I loved it.

7. Flavors you like now you will hate later, and vice versa. Your tasts are going to change for a long time.

8. You may think you need one that looks, feels and tastes like a cig but you will soon figure out that that is a waste of money. Go ahead and get a good model that has been recommended by people.

9. Read, and then read some more. You have a fountain of information at your fingertips. Use it.

10. Don't be afraid to try a flavor that sounds scary. Case in point; Atomic Cinnicide. I got a bottle of this from the Pay it forward thread. I was really afraid of trying it. I don't care for really hot and spicy candy but I love this stuff! My Hubby actually got his Chuck out and is vaping it! He hasn't vaped in months!

11. Trust no one in real life or on a forum. They will turn on you like a pack of wild dogs without any notice whatsoever. This will be the only blog entry I will leave up. I am taking the rest with me. I wish everyone the best.

Adventures in vaping 2/18/10

2010-05-30T20:01:00.001-05:00

This is in no particular order...

Ordered a 901 from some obscure China dealer for $29.99, cant remember name.

Got tired of waiting and ordered one from a US supplier for $49.99, cant remember that name either.

Rocky Mountain Vapor_ Several auto and manual 901 batteries. First 510 kit. Fast shipping, decent prices.

Nu-Vape, a few liquids, clips and syringes. Good prices, mediocre shipping time, hit and miss on liquid taste.

Vapor Station-510 Copper with blacklight LED, liquid. Excellent customer service, fast shipping, good quality product.

Health Cabin-Liquids, batteries and attys. Fast shipping time especially coming from China. Mediocre customer service. Products quality was alright.

PureSmoker-liquid only. Great liquid! Ready to order some more CashCap the first of the month. Good customer service as far as I'm concerned.

Nhaler- Liquid. Good customer service. Great freebies. Shipping was high. I would have rather had no freebies and cheaper shipping. Good customer service and communication. Liquid was a little disappointing after all the hype. Eh, taste is subjective. He does have the best Turkish blend though. Bought several bottles of it.

Stictlyejuice,liquid. The prices are good but like someone else said, you get what you pay for. I didnt care for their liquid at all. Shipping was fast.

JohnsonCreek, liquid. Loved the original TN Cured. Hated the new version. I had heard they had went back to the old formula and bought a bottle a couple of weeks ago. It's still the new version. First few orders the shipping time was terrible. This last order I had my liquid in 4 days which is fantastic for them. Prices are fair.

Juicy liquid, liquid, menthol crystals, syringes. Great customer service. Fast shipping, good prices.

Heaven Gifts, a little bit of everything. I have bought a lot of stuff from Wayne and Vera. The customer service is awesome. They even replaced an atty that they didn't sell me. ( I sent it by mistake) EMS shipping is good. I am currently using slow boat method to save on shipping costs. Prices are hard to beat. Liquid is Dekang, I think. No problems with it. This is one of my main go to suppliers.

Thag Built, My awesome Chuck. WOW, just wow. The Chuck is awesome in every way. My main vape for the day. Takes a couple of weeks to get but they are customizable and damn near indestructible. Well worth the wait. Awesome customer service too.

My Freedom Smokes, liquid, lots of it. I know there are some that don't like Chris but I think he's great. He is upfront with who he is and what he has and what he can do. I don't buy much liquid from anyone else anymore. I get most of my flavored liquids and all of my unflavored from MFS. Shipping time is great, even with a huge sale and the customer service has been great. I don't see me ever not ordering from him.

Vapor4Life, cartos and small amount of liquid, Great product. The cartos are an amazing thing, especially on a Chuck. Some of the best customer service I have ever seen. A wide and varied selection of flavors and strengths. The freebies are always appreciated. The customer service is hard to beat. The people on the V4L sub-forum are a great bunch of people that love to jump in and help someone out!

I have bought adapters and carts here and there since I started. I have never had what I would call "bad" customer service even if I didn't care for the product. I'll add to this as I keep vaping but I'm pretty happy with the suppliers I use, MFS, Heaven Gifts and V4L, so I doubt I will be placing any big orders elsewhere.

The ELectronic Cigarette

2009-06-24T12:19:00.000-05:00

I have an ecig. I love my ecig. My ecig goes everywhere that I go.

What is an ecig? Electronic cigarette. It is a way to get my nicotine fix and not kill myself while I'm doing it. I have the DSE 901 which is a rechargeble battery, an atomizer that heats up and a cartridge with a polyfiber filler to hold the e juice. When I vape and exhale I am blowing out a cloud of vapor, not smoke. It is pretty much odorless and dissipates quickly. It doesn't have any of the carcinogens that are in a regular cigarette. You can get the juice in just about any flavor you want and if you can't find what you want you can make your own. I have been vaping since mid April.

When I went to see my regular doctor for my monthly appt to get all my meds in April, my blood pressure was 230/110 and my heart rate was in the 130's. These are not good levels at all. My doctor tried to admit me but since I didn't have insurance the hospital called it an "elective admission" and wouldn't admit me. So much for caring about the community like they advertise.

At that point I was a 2+ pack a day smoker. I've been smoking since I was 12, only quitting while I was pregnant. My best friend, Steph, tried to talk me into the ecig for a week or more before I decided to give it a try. I read a lot about it and talked to my doctor before I decided to give it a go. I ordered one ecig from a place in China. The old saying "slow boat to/from China" is not just a saying. It really is slow,lol I actually got tired of waiting and ordered another from someone else and had it here in 3 days. Just a few vapes and I was hooked. These things are amazing! My husband and older son are both using them now too. We are all three down to smoking about a pack a week and it won't be long until we are totally off of cigarettes.

I buy the unflavored juice, vegetable glycerin and different flavorings and make our own flavored juices. I keep up with the maintenance on them for all of us. It is a little costly to get started. You need to order some spare parts because they do go bad and you don't want to be stuck waiting for them in the mail. I keep 3 of us vaping for around $80 a month now. Before I started vaping I was spending $40 every 5 days for a carton of cigs just for me, that's not including what Terry and Jesse were smoking. We are now in the black by about $150 dollars and are saving money every month now. I have this great big huge tackle box that I keep all our supplies in,lol

There is a warning to this. nicotine is a poison. You need to be careful with it. When you are mixing, don't lick your fingers to get the juice off them. Keep it put up away from children and pets. When you are done, wash your hands. I actually keep a can of the baby wipes next to me and use those to wipe my hands off.

I'm going to give you some links that I use all the time and give you a little info about it.

http://www.ruyandirect.com/index.php?gOo=shop.dwt

This is where I buy most of my stuff from. Wayne is great guy and the customer service can't be beat. I buy full kits from them as well as my juice, spare parts, passthrus, all sorts of things from him. I got into a bad batch of batteries, either that or I was just being a noob and messing them up because I didn't know what I was doing. He replaced every one of them for me. He even replaced an atomizer that I didn't buy from him. I thought I was keeping diiferent things from different suppliers seperate but I messed up on that one. You know you are getting great customer service when they replace something that you haven't even bought from them! As for shipping, it is worth it to pay the extra and have it shipped EMS. You will get it much faster than if you pay for the regualr shipping. As long as your orders aren't to big you don't have to worry about customs. I've had some go through customs and some that didn't but I've never not gotten my order.

http://www.vaporstix.com/

This is another great place to buy from. They are located in the U.S. and the shipping time is great!

http://www.juicyliquid.com/store2/

This newly married couple are awesome! They have bottles, juices, syringes, pretty much anything you might need. Good prices and super fast shipping. They are really nice people too.

https://www.lorannoils.com/

I order the 1 dram size of flavorings from here. Once I figure out what flavors we like then I order 1 oz bottles from

http://www.bickfordflavors.com/item.asp?id=141&range=3

Because the 1 oz bottles are about half the price as they are at LorAnn's. Warning, when you mix, do it one or two drops at a time, especially with the cherry. Some flavors are very, very strong.

The next couple of links are great places to find information on just about anything pertaining to an ecig

http://www.righttovape.com/index.php

http://www.e-cigarette-forum.com/forum/

If this helps even one person get off of cigarettes then I"ll have done something good!

God and I

2009-02-18T22:17:00.000-06:00

March 4, 2004 I get a call just as I get to work. My mother’s house is on fire and they cannot find my mom or my oldest son. My three kids were staying with her until the end of the school year since I had moved one county over and they didn’t want to change schools in the middle of the year. I race there just in time to see the smoke still rolling from a totally burned down 2 story house. Still no sign of my mother or my son. I knew where my other 2 children were, they were in tears on my lap. About 30 minutes after I got there my son pulled up in my mother’s car, alone. That is when we all figured out that my mother was gone. Because of the heat they couldn’t search for her body until the next day. I was back at her house before they were the next day. I wanted to be there if they found her. When they carried what was left of her out of the ashes in a Walmart bag, I passed out. This begins my anger of God.

May 1, 2004 I married my dream man. My mother wasn’t there to see me finally get it right. We used her Bible, that she had previously given me, for our ceremony. It was a bittersweet day. As we left for our honeymoon we stopped at the cematery, and left 2 yellow roses, one for her and one for my stepfather. I was still mad at God.

May 17, 2004, we are told that my husband of just three weeks has just one year to live. Getting this information just after losing my mother was almost more than I could bear but I made it through it and I was even madder at God than I was before.

June 2004, my husband Terry is put in the hospital with a really bad case of pneumonia. We almost lost him on that one.

July1,2004 Terry got laid off from his job. Not the worst news we could get but it really did nothing to reinforce my faith.

Let’s fast forward to August 27, 2004. We are on our Harley on our way to Florida for a little weekend vacation. We are about 200 miles from our home. It took us almost 7 hours to go 200 miles. That is unheard of for us. We are/were the type to get on the bike and go, not stopping until we need gas or some water to drink. But for some reason we just kept stopping. We even talked about going home and getting our van since we weren’t that far from home and it wouldn’t set us back much time wise. Sadly, we didn’t do that. At 6:59am that sunny morning we stopped for breakfast at Waffle House, a favorite place of bikers and rednecks, of which I am proud to say I am both,lol The restaurant was very close to the red light on the opposite side of the road so to be safe Terry pulled up a ways and got in the turning lane. It was a good move in theory. We would pull into the fire station parking lot and then pull back out when the coast was clear. I stood on the pegs to get a good look, it was clear and I told him to go. We almost made it across when an SUV doing 45 miles over the posted speed limit slammed into us. I took most of the hit. I flew through the air landing 88 feet from the point of impact and rolled three times. I could hear everyone in the fire department come out running and yelling but I couldn’t get a sound out of my bruised lungs. I could hear my husband asking about me and them telling him that he was alone. He was yelling at them to find me. I see a really large man stand over me and say “Oh God here she is” and that is all I remember for a week. I had 119 fractures from my right hip to my right ankle, a ruptured bladder, lacerated liver bruised lungs, etc. To give you an idea of how bad it was, people with a hip fracture that isn’t as bad as mine was, 40% of them die before they ever reach the hospital from internal bleeding. It was about as bad as it could get for anyone.

I am not going to bore you with all the details of what went on the next few weeks but instead give you my theory on what happened and why. I was so mad at God that I had taken my cross necklace off weeks earlier. Put anything that had to do with Christianity away where I couldn’t see it. I was so pissed at God! I was mad, but I never once denounced him. I honestly think that the Devil knew I was close to doing just that. I think he figured that if just one more bad thing happened to me that I would forever denounce The Lord. What happened had just the opposite effect. Instead of blaming God for the wreck I praised him for keeping me alive. I praised him for letting it happen at 7am when there was a shift change and we would have twice as many people to take care of us. I praised him for letting it happen in the parking lot of a fire dept. I praised him for that great big fireman that finally found me. I praised him for letting it happen in Birmingham, Al where they have one of the highest rated trauma teams in the nation. I praised him for giving me an orthopedist that is rated 5th in the nation. I praised him for letting me live after getting hit by an SUV.

Let’s fast forward a couple of years, May 2006, I had had 10 surgeries at this point and was unable to walk without crutches at all. My middle son is getting ready to graduate. I had felt something shift in my hip and had went to see my doc. We drove 180 miles each way to see this doctor at least once a month, sometimes more. My pelvis had shifted and a piece of bone was laying across my femoral artery and another piece of bone was pushing into my bladder. One wrong move and I would bleed to death before anyone even knew anything was wrong. I had a CT scan to verify where everything was in preparation for my surgery. In all the other surgeries my doctor had never once said, “Get your affairs in order” but he did this time. I refused to have the surgery until after my son graduated so it was scheduled for June 16, 2006. I was on total bed rest, not allowed to do anything at all. If I fell I was to go straight to the closest ER. I was not allowed to be alone for even the smallest amount of time.. In May, Cody, my middle son, had gotten saved. He was really proud of it and I didn’t discourage it. We started going to church. I decided it was time for me to be saved and to get baptized. On June 4, 2006 I was at the church. The Baptismal was behind the pulpit. You had to go up 10 steps to get to it, then down 4 steps to get into it, get baptized, then walk across to the other side, go up 5 stairs, then down 10 more. Being on crutches I was terrified of the steps. I used my crutches to get up the first 10 steps and down into the baptismal. Terry was supposed to go around and meet me on the other side with my crutches but he wasn’t there. I didn’t want to just stand there cold and wet with everyone looking at me so I walked across the baptismal, up the 5 stairs and down the other 10 stairs without the aid of crutches! I had not been able to do that before then or since then ever again. The following Wednesday we went to the prayer meeting. I had never been to one and really didn’t know what to expect. The pastor had all the women come down and put their hands on me and each one said a prayer for me. You could feel the power in the air!

My surgery was supposed to take 8-10 hours, use 4-6 units of blood, and me be in the ICU for a few days. It actually took less than 4 hours, used no blood and I was home in 3 days. My doctor told me that if he hadn't known better that my CT scan was from someone else, that once he got in there he didn't see near the scar tissue that the scan had shown was there.

I still can’t walk but I feel God and Christ in my life every day. Like I said, I am living, breathing proof of miracles.

Edit on 11/23/10:

God has decided that I am not worthy of even one day without pain. In fact, things are getting worse every day. I've decided that God hates me and frankly, at this point I don't care.